Publishing Short Stories

The two previous posts have been waiting to see the light of Internet for almost a month. I've been debating how to publish these stories. I thought about Scribd, I considered submitting it to a short story zine or two. I knew I wasn't publishing for money and I didn't want anyone else to control it. I also knew that I didn't want to create another account with another site and that's really what helped me decide to go with Google Docs.

I didn't read about publishing rights like I wanted to, so I'm not sure what they're covered under. If you're interested in republishing these or using them leave me a comment and we can work something out.

Ninja Edit:
I meant to end this post with a question. Have you ever published anything, in physical media or on Internet? What experience did you have, what avenues did you pursue?

Short Story 2: Surfing

Surfing is one of those mythical activities I'd never actually be able to do. Like owning a convertible or seeing Nine Inch Nails in Prague.

I'm about to make this happen! As I stare glassy eyed at several boogie boards hanging. Which do I need? What's the difference? The owner is quacking away on the phone without a care for me.

I choose one, immediately he gets up “you don't want that one, you want THIS one.” he snaps and then back to his phone. I grab some flippers and wax and I'm out.

Twice a week I ride to the beach to learn this sport and conquer this. 45 minute bike ride there, 2 hours of flopping around in the water, 45 minutes bike ride home. While discussing my trouble I hear that I may be too big to catch waves.

How can this be? Hawaiian men are bigger than me and I know they do it, they invented it! My motivation sapped, I give up for a few weeks. I ask around about surfing and how to get starting. No one wants to tell me about the boogie board, only about real surfing. Longboarding. It took them only a few tries to pick it up. Good for fucking them.

The motivation I lost turns to spite with this latest news. I'll show them by showing myself and learning this once and for all.

We drive to the beach in the rental, I launch out, pass the snorkelers towards the waves. They're coming in high and strong today.

I'm the only one out here which is a little strange but it's too late to worry about that now. I position my body facing the shore and turn my head to wait for a good wave. A few small ones and then a big one, it lifts me up and pulls me but I didn't kick fast enough and it rolls past me and breaks a few feet infront.

Another couple small ones, then a big one on it's way. I don't have much hope but I kick as hard as I can. It lifts, it... breaks right on me! I'm looking down at the water this time. My board starts to shake and I then I understand: I'm riding the wave. I can't see anything, there's salt water in my mouth, I can hear screaming and my face feels strange.

I open my eyes and I can see. I spit out the salty taste of the pacific. The screaming was actually me shouting with excitement. The strange feeling in my face is the ear to ear grin that I haven't had in a long time.

I paddle back to shore. I've caught my first wave.

Published with Google Docs

Short Story 1: Howzit

“howziiiiiiit!” he says louldy right behind my head, my heart rate increasing the longer he draws out the word.

It takes me a moment to understand what he's saying. I turn around. “oh hey”

Everyone here is friendly, so this interaction is to be expected. The last city I was in, everyone ignored everyone. If you weren't being ignored, there was usually trouble.

Weeks go by, I begin to understand the accent. I don't cared if it's english, local dialiect can be pretty fucking far from the english I know.

I give a cigarette to a kid and I receive Mahalo.

I hear “give me da kine” and sort of understand what she wants this time.

One night a giant dressed in white sports jerseys lays on da pidgin right thick. It's a cool evening. The fan is on as well as the AC and I start to sweat. I barely understand a word he says. What's worse is that he wants to know about a computer, he tries using technical terms but uses the wrong ones. All made worse by this new to me language. He's patient and we make it through the conversation, I lose the sale anyway and he walks out empty handed.

Months have passed without problems and now I'm much more comfortable with this town.

I'm riding home one night after closing the shop, what the sodium lights lack in lumens they make up with adventure, I have to be extra alert and aware of my surroundings as I ride and I am. I ride past a couple of kids sitting on the concrete barriers.

“howzithowzithowzit!”

“oh hey!” and I nearly wreck my bike in front of everyone.

Published with Google Docs

Vacation

There are too many digital photographs in the world. There's too much data. Google has made a sweet dime organizing it. I'm taking advantage of it and adding to the excess.

I'm almost tired of talking about a few of these pictures, because I was so proud of them when i took them that I told everyone I knew about it, I looked at them all the time for inspiration and now I'm sick of them So here is the last time I'll present some of these unless there's money involved.

The swimming pool was taken at 1am with 25" exposure, almost no light and is probably the best technical picture I have.








.
I like this one because of the motion blur. Again this involved long exposure, I think 4-6". Failing light around 7pm.









.
Sometimes my composition hurts it's so good. I took this last night in Captain Cooks' Memorial. I would've grabbed a few more pictures but I was quickly reminded about taking pictures of people I don't know.

In case you think these are super awesome and need to add another feed to your reader, you can keep an eye on my fancy pictures. Here's the feed

Island living.

I went to the dental hygienist this morning to get a cleaning done, it'd been a while and I dearly needed it. What is interestinga bout this is that I was given two avocados on the way out. When leaving the dentist, I left with more avocados than I came in with.

The other errand I had today was to call an Archery shop and find out where the shop is located and what the hours are. The internet listed only a name and phone number. I called and found out the hours are 5pm-9pm Monday through Friday, the person on the phone didn't know any prices for any of the equipment and the directions she gave sound like they're to a house in the middle of HPP. My guess is this guy sells archery equipment out of his basement after work and before bed in order to finance his own archery endeavors. I think the lady I spoke to is his mom.

Anyone have a couple of dozen arrows they don't use? I'll pay shipping.

Old Crow

The Mrs. PI and I got into a conversation today about cheap toilet paper and how god awful it is. How it's a PITA to use and how ineffective it can be. I concurred and instantly made a short list of things I do not like to buy less than top shelf of.

• Headlights. The difference between $15 and $25 lamps can be your car
• Olive oil, if it's not Extra Virgin, it's not EVOO
• Toilet paper
• Computer memory.
  
• LCD monitors.
  
• Bras. The most powerful force on the planet need support

What are your top shelf buys?

Shocker!

We made a trip to Waikiki on the 18th. We ate at a super touristy sports bar called Da Big Kahuna, I agreed only in hopes they would have a Big Kahuna Burger from Pulp Fiction fame, also we got a coupon for free fries. The burger was $9 and worth every penny up to $7 after that I was either paying for the name or to eat it in Honolulu.


We spent an hour or two in Ala Moana mall at their crazy food court. We've eaten at some pretty awesome food courts in our time, but this place rocked my casbah.







We came across this awesome car in the garage, I used to think I'd only see this in RVA, but nope! Gangstas live in paradise too.






This last picture is from the county fair in Hilo, it was exactly like every other county fair I've ever been to, same people, same rides, same food. I was sick so we didn't stay, but it was a beautiful sunset.

Free as in speech

How awesome is this, kids using packet sniffers to pick up on unencrypted security camera signals and then film a movie using sounds recorded during the filming.





I'm just sorry it's Myspace player. Can anyone figure out what those two buttons do on the bottom right? One kinda resizes the video, the other stops it? Why?

ToDo: Make to do list

How do you keep track of your to dos? I'm a fan of to do lists, but I think that a hard copy of a to do list is not nearly dynamic enough for my needs. I like something I can access from work, my pda, home and any other internetted computer. A widget that works on my google hompage would be nice too.
Google does make a To Do list and there are tonnes if you search. I guess my needs in order of importance

mark items as completed but not removed from the list
ability to share specific items with specific people
Works with Google start page
easily synced with an offline pda

And just for kicks, here's my to do list this weekend:

• Buy car washing soap
• wash car
• put NIN sticker on bumper
  
• burn CDs / DVDs for friend
  
• assemble tattoo

What's on your list this weekend?

resentment

I received another Where's George Bill today.

I'm in the market for a new cell phone plan and I'm really annoyed with the state of the cell phone industry in the US right now. The Mrs. and I want to share a family plan, it's the cheapest option for both of us. The only carrier we can go with is ATT because they have the best coverage in our area and the terrain around here is pretty bad for wireless signals. I resent having to sign a 2 year contract for a phone. I resent that the cheapest plan starts at $60/month. They're likely to force the Mrs. to get a new phone, and there's a chance they'll do the same for me even though I'm already an ATT customer. Tomorrow we go to get new plans with a heart full of resentment.

At least there's this:

music

Princess Superstar. I'm pretty sure she's my new favorite music person. She does this song about quitting smoking. I wish I'd had it when I quit. If you recognize her buuurilliance and want the rest let me know.

Yikes, what tiny worthless posts. It's not my fault I'm going through a dry spell.

Oh! Wait. I forgot to tell you how awesome Frontalot is. I came across a pirated copy of his new album, which I like immensely. I didn't want a physical CD because.... well I keep all my music on a computer but I wanted to pay him for his efforts. So I shot him an email and we worked out a solution. I ended up donating $25 to his fan club. How cool?

One of the few groups that have embraced digital music and realized that many of their fans use computers is NIN. In a cool move Trent released all the master tracks for many songs for free on his own site. The idea being you can download and remix them. Here's a bunch of these remixes: http://www.9inchnails.com/remixes/
If you head to NIN.com you can find videos, high quality widscreen backgrounds.
You might also notice that the last stop on their tour is a slice of meat in the sandwich isles on which I live.
Mrs PI and I have tickets, plane tickets, hotel reservations and a car rental. My plan is to catch up with them on Waikiki the next day as it's the last stop on their tour. Of course they'll be on the beach.

HA! Still a worthless post.

Published

I've been having trouble getting to bed at a reasonable hour recently, often staying awake until 2 or 3 am. Most nights I try to play some video games until I'm tired. Last night I found my way back to wikihow. I discovered a poorly written Guide to preserving your privacy at an Internet Cafe.

I work at an Internet Cafe so I lent my experience and wrote the newer and improved guide. It's not incredible by any means but it's always fun to publish on the internet and it's a big improvement over the original guide.

Market day

There are several farmer's markets in the area and we're thinking about having a booth. We're brainstorming ideas of things to sell. So far the only thing I have is to sell Popsicles. My mom used to make Popsicles for us when we were young. I think she did it really cheap, juice concentrate in deep ice cube trays. It costs $50 for the booth so we'd need to make enough money to cover the cost of the booth, the gas and the juice.

Another idea I had, because I don't konw the availability of power to the booths, was to get a bunch of potatoes and link them all together to provide enough power to run a computer that could be demoed for sale. If we sell the computer for $400 we'd be in good shape and the pop sickle sales would be pure profit.

The last idea I had is selling revenge disease. I'm sick right now. I could sneeze into a jar and sell it for $5, "Pour this into someone's drink and they'll be useless for 3 or 4 days"

Other things I know how to do:
Sushi, out of the question because everyone else on the island can make it better than me
Burritos, probably not want people want at the market
Fix computers, farmer's market might not be the best place

If you had to sell something at a booth, what would it be?

Deputy Puppy

I've been watching a lot of tricks videos recently, like Le Parkour. Things that take years, one's youth, to learn. I love 'em.

When I was growing up I had several bikes, my family were avid bikers and I was never without one. Unless it was one of those special days I came home to find that my mom had sold my bike, why? Because someone needed it more than me. This happened twice.
My bikes have sold, stolen, rusted out and outgrown. Now I barely ride. Still love the videos though:


My dad tried to learn juggling at one point, I remember he always had the bean sacks in his office at work but I never saw him juggling. The only memory I have of my mom juggling is when she was an extra in Oliver twist, she was juggling handkerchiefs.
This is Tim Kelly, the champion of three ball juggling:


This is perhaps a more famous video set to a Beatles tune that everyone seems to love. I read somewhere that this guy has been doing the same routine for 20 years, but damn it's still pretty good.



I don't dance very often but when I get to it nothing can stop me, I'm usually in my own corner of the floor doing my thing for as long as I can stand it or until I make little girls cry.
Here's a shitty quality, but awesome DDR video. I love how he glides across the floor.



I'm not sure who said that Rhythmics is easy, but you're wrong:

do yourself a flavor

Yesterday my boss gave me avocados, 3 of them, from her garden. Immediately after, her son gave me sugar cane. Raw sugarcane can be chewed on: peel the bark off and bite down and suck the juice out, it's like sugar water. Unfortunately the sweetness doesn't last long so after about 30 seconds you realize you're chewing on tree branch

The house we're in right now has tons of fruit and vegetables in the back yard. One week it was cherry tomatoes, another pumpkins, then pineapples, I think last week was oranges and now we're back to cherry tomatoes again.

Anyone that has ever lived in a this kind of lifestyle knows the windfall of each fruit when they come in to season. Many people struggle to meet the demands of having to eat 4 pineapples in a week. I love it. I will happily eat 5 or 6 oranges in a day if they're available. This is the best food on earth as far as I'm concerned: organic, local and free.

I've been sick the last few days, today being probably the worst. There's so much stuff inside of me trying to get out. It's coming through more orifices than usual. My nose and throat being the more than usual. I'm pretty sure it's my body continuing to adjust to not smoking anymore so I'm not too upset, it's a just a shitty process.

Hobbes is making ginger tea for me, and I just added grated sugarcane to it. I'm looking forward to it.

Come semi-circle

My internet friend WM's post about writing letters came to fruition. I received it today with much excitement, I walked out to the mailbox eating a slice of salted and garlicked pumpkin. It had a rad envelope with a goat and a monkey.
Reading someone else's handwriting is a treat for me. I work and play on a computer, spending about 75% of my waking hours in front of one. I have atrocious penmanship and I don't write many letters. My mom made me write my grandparents once a month when I was growing up, I hated it because I never had anything to say: I'm going to school, I have friends, I wish I was older so I could have a car. Of course my grandparents loved it or pretended to because about a week afterwards I would always receive a check for $20.

I don't write letters, I send care packages with local only goods. My offer, in an effort to pay it forward, is to send you a package. If only a few people respond then you get nicer things, if I get 10 people asking, well then that gets expensive and you all get sampler size of Hawai'i

Bring it on

heh. we just had an earthquake.

hurricanes
volcanoes
earthquakes
tsunamis

Actually, now that I think about it:
friends in Blackburg has the killings at Tech
friend in ST Paul had bridge collapsing
family in Washington had a terrific storm and lost power for days and weeks
Richmond got hit by a hurricane a couple of years ago too. I guess Hawai'i just has a higher percentage of disaster exposure?

Come on Flussie!

Reinstall Checklist

I had a difficult time finding a good checklist of thigns to backup before formatting your computer in the 15 seconds spent searching so I decided to make my own. Please add to the list if I forget anything. I'm also assuming in this case that a computer with XP will need to be backed up.

Use the FAST wizard to backup every account you use on your computer. This is the easiest and most complete backup you can do to save your account. If it doesn't work, you don't have an external drive, aren't connected to a network or have a serial cable here's a list of things to get:

• Bookmarks/favorites from IE & Firefox
• My Documents
• My Desktop
• Drivers for modem/ethernet card (with these you can get the others)

Paradigm Shift

I have a new email address. I'm guessing everyone that sends me email reads my blog as well so this can be my big coming out party. We'll see.

My new address is: myfirstname [at] mylastname dot com got it? Mind you this is not mylegalfirstname@mylastname. If this is too complicated for you or you don't know my last name leave a comment and I'll get back to you. This is also a great opportunity and excuse to send me an email and say hi if it's been a long time since we've talked. I would love to hear from you. YES YOU

Here are some statistics from my current email:

• I am currently using 1977 MB (68%) of your 2887 MB. ::flex::
• I have 2671 emails archived
• I signed up for gmail on 08/24/04

Here's why I'm switching addresses:

This thanksgiving when I'm in NC with my paternal family, I along with my brother will be pushing the entire family to switch to a family based online presence managed by me and him. This isn't exciting to anyone else and that's fine.

We're using Google Apps, which gives you free hosting among other things like gmail, docs and calendar to share with everyone in the domain. This is just about perfect for a small business or family to keep in contact. Of course with free hosting it's perfect for anyone that wants a small domain of their own.

If anyone is interested in running their own site, Google Apps is what I recommend, it's a great place to start. If you read all the instructions and would still like some help, give me a shout and I'll be happy to lend a hand.

Old man look at my life, I'm a lot like you were

I hate getting old. I am only 26, I know I'm not old. But I think that 25 is the last little bit of indestructible youth. I still expect to be young for another 10 years or so, but my body's prime has passed.
I wake up and my legs are stiff and my joints crack. I think about taxes, credit, buying a house and of becoming a father.

Wait. WHAT? What happened to drinking until 4am? I don't know anybody that sells or smokes weed anymore. Shit I don't know anybody that drinks anymore. I only have one tattoo!

For any of you youngster reading this, live it up. Burn the candle at both ends, travel to Europe; Japan. Experiment with drugs, boys and girls. Adventure. You're never as young as you are right now.

If you don't like where you, leave and go somewhere else. It's ok to move to a new city with nothing and no one. It's easy to find a shitty job and make friends. Please please know that the older you get the harder it is to do things like that. It's not impossible, it never is, but it's more and more difficult. You'll thank yourself in 5 years that you did that one awesome adventurous spontaneous thing when you were 22. Create good memories.

Cleaning up part 2

I originally wrote this post on July 4th and apparently never got around to publishing it. Can't imagine why.

Do Not Want:

• The sound of door knocking. I hate it when I'm sleeping, I hate it when I'm awake
• Missing a birthday/wedding /anniversary. All of which I've done in the last month
• Not cat calls, those are sweet. But being whistled at. As though my attention can be whistled for. I'm not brooding with you
  

Want:
Optimus Prime VS Megatron

Cleaning up part 1

I wrote this on July 1st, never published. Until NOW!

One of my favorite things to do is read random blogs. Click the Next Blog button at the top of any blogger sites and you get a random one.
Another neat thing to do is read your friend's friend's blog. Read a post and comment on it. Most will run right back to your own blog and read everything you have just to figure out who the hell you are.
I don't know about you but I love getting comments on my blog. It helps me feel that this is a valid project. For a long time I didn't have any readers, then I didn't have any comments. Now I feel I have a few of both and I'm running 4 blogs. My empire is underway.

Word to your mother

Some people don't realize that the word irregardless is over redundant. I used to really enjoy word play and grammar, often correcting people on their grammar (what an asshole thing to do). These days I try really hard not to correct anyone, mainly because mine has turned to poop.
We decided to provide other options for the over redundant uses of regardless:

• abregardless
• aregardless
• nonregardless
• deregardless
• reregardless
• unregardless
• antiregardless
• disregardless
• preregardless
  

You're welcome world / Webster.

What is the best food?

If you answered anything wrapped in a piece of bacon, you are correct.
I would've also accepted:

• Anything wrapped in two pieces of bacon

Today I tried my hand a making musubi, a fine write up can be read in this wikipus. The actual wikipus on musubi is about a more traditional food than what I'm talking about and what is served locally.
Traditionally musubi was just a ball of salted rice. Today it's evolved into a ball of rice with a topping. My favorites have been Korean chicken and salmon. The ones I made today used Unagi (eel) and bacon as the toppings. I even made my own kabayaki (eel sauce), which is impossible to find, from shoyu (soy sauce), mirin and sugar. The ratio being 1/1/.5

Making musubi goes like this:

1. Rice compacted to a sphere or oval shape
2. topping of meat, fish or vegetable
3. wrap it in nori

Seran wrap is ideal for storage until you're ready to eat.

Underwater Love

Missing Shirts

About 6 months ago I realized I'd lost all of my good shirts. This was around the time when I moved from Seattle back to Richmond, drove to Florida, drove back and then moved to Hawai'i. I'm not terribly surprised they got lost but I'm still very sad. The fact that I'm missing so many of them leads me to believe they're together somewhere.
If I stayed at your house and left them with you, you would make me incredibly happy to return them to me and I'll be happy to ship something to you in return. Here is a list of the shirts that I no longer have but wish I did:



I realize that looking at this list without context might leave you in the dark. If any of my gentle readers need illustrations of these shirts, I can probably dig up a picture.

I ordered two two x one gigabytes of ram. Two packages of two ram sticks, each one gigabyte. I've been frothing ever since I submitted the order. I've never had a computer with maxed RAM, I've been looking forward to this moment since around 2001. Tonight I installed it to find that only 3 of the 4 gigs is available. Also it hasn't made that much of a different from the 1 gig previous. What a let down. My Vista Experience Index won't refresh either.

In more upbeat news, this is the bathroom sign I'm going to print up and use at work on Thursday:



Update: Vista apparently just can't see any memory above 3 GB. I removed one stick of RAM and while the BIOS noticed it had changed, Vista didn't even bat an eye 'cept the BSODs stopped. I'm now in possession of a single 1 GB ddr2 800 mhz stick of RAM and also four 256 MB of varying speeds. If you need, let me know,
They're priced to move.

2nd Update:
This is the article where MS explains that their 32-bit OSes only support 3.1 GB of RAM

Le parkour

If you haven't seen this stuff, now's your chance. The Wikipus on it. It's featured in the movie District b13 (Banlieue 13).

This is the Some Russian kids doing it, this was the first parkour video for me:


A slick compilation:


And finally my favorite:

Customer Review Gems

I do lots of shopping on Newegg, for work and for pleasure(?). The reviews are often what sway me to or not to buy a certain product. Some people are jokers.

Pros: Very great ram at a low price.

Cons: It couldn't make me a pizza.

*****

Pros: This works Great, 1 Gig is perfect for basic and a lil above basic computing in XP or Vista. For vista i would recommend 2Gig just because vista hogs RAM

Cons: Not Free

Other Thoughts: I ate Raman noodles today!!

Idiocracy

In downtown Hilo there is an indoor gymnasium. It has large glass windows so that while you're working out you can get a view outside.... of the street, not the ocean or the mountains. The people are using treadmills, stair climbers and stationary bikes, all activities that would be much better outside. The doors are open so it's not for the AC and I see them doing this when the weather is nice so they're not avoiding the rain.

Doing any one of those activities outside would give you a chance to:

• Think because there is no TV blaring at you,
• Breathe fresh air 'cause you're not in the middle of downtown with all the traffic
• Not spend money on a free service that nature provides for you
• Leave society for an hour
• Understand Aloha
  

At first I thought that an indoor gym in Hawai'i would be the worst and dumbest ideas ever. However, I walk past this place often and I see lots of people working out so the business must be doing well.
I started wondering if that is truly the way to be successful in business. Design a product that people want but don't need and then charge them for it. Will they opt to pay for an inferior service they could get for free somewhere else?
If so, what other businesses could I start that would follow the same guidelines?

• Indoor pool
• Tanning salon
• Wave machine
• Rock climbing wall

If you had a reasonable amount of capital, what business would you start?

Tiera del fuego

The same person that devised the Santorum Slip n Slide was the same person to teach me fireballs.

Ingredients: Everclear, lighter and possibly a road flare.
Method:
1. Mouth full of everclear,
2. hold lighter 3-5" from your mouth,
3. Pucker lips like you're blowing a trumpet
4. Blow

For best results replace the lighter with a road flare or campfire. Also, best to do this in a southern state with bumperless car in yard and while intoxicated. Appropriate additions include daisy dukes, the firing of guns, beast and pig's feet.
More pictures.

I went jet skiing last week. Besides taking me three tries to get on the thing (I tipped over twice and tipped both of us over once (he was very patient)) it was awesome. Adrenaline, fear, excitement. At one point I was looking off in the distance admiring the view. We caught air. We landed. I kissed the back of the driver's vest with my teeth. Otherwise it was a flawless ride.

The guy that gave me a ride was about 300 lbs, a bleached mohawk, several teeth missing and "Sick Puppy" tattooed across his belly. Several days later I found out that Sick Puppy was his ring name when he was a cage fighter.

Sick puppy eh? Got me thinking about what my name would be if I were to enter in that line of work. If you were a cage fighter, what would be your ring name?

Propain (mine)
Kittenvicious (Mrs PI)

Quantity over Quality

Got my 3rd & 4th Where's George bills this evening.
The common theme for these two bills is that they're both from Papaikou.

This is an illustration of me posting just to increase the blog post count. Seriously, is there anything less usefull than tracking bills already being tracked by a site?

sext

sexercise	sexterminate
sex girlfriend	sexile
sexplosion	sextreme
sex door neighbor	sex-lax
sexperienced	sexorcism
sexcapade	sextraterestrial
sextacy	sexcellence
sextraordinary	sextension
sexpert	sextract
sexperiment	sextrusion

allow me to sexplain, sexamining the effsexs of adding an S in front of words that begin with sEX. I've tried to include sexpletive deleteds

aloha merch

I really enjoy buying local things for people back on the mainland. Last time I brought bumper stickers, playing cards and chocolate. This time it's Mrs. PrisonIndustry who is going back home.

We just got back from Big Island Candies. The coolest thing they have is chocolate dipped Ika (squid). As you can see, it's dipped in such a manner than it looks roughly like a squid. It's a very interesting mix of flavours, milk chocolate and the salty fish taste of dried squid. This chocolate is divine, but it's no marzipan vagina.

BIC is really expensive though, the entire spread pictured here was about $75.
They're perfect for grandparents and family, but if you want something from me from here it's going to be a jar of honey or an aloha shirt.

Google Docs lets you publish documents to your blog, how sweet. So I did. I also provided a link on the right column. It points to this document which lists things that I want. Just in case you're ever wondering what to buy me, now you can know. I also like flowers and hand written letters.

Remote controlled vehicle
subscription to 2600
ZombAID T Shirt
Cordless drill
any used technology. Digicam, PDA, mp3 player, cell phone
Gigabit Router

omghideousdog

Reading a friend of a friend's blog I came across the cutest post I've ever seen about seeing eye ponies. It reminded me of Sam



I was turned on to the ugliest dog contest by Mrs Prison Industry's mom several months ago. I heard about the world's ugliest dog and thought how demeaning it would be and how the winner was probably cute ugly like pugs, however my reaction mirrored the judges:


He's so ugly that even the judges
recoiled when he was placed on
the judging table . . .


These pictures made Mrs Prison Industry spray root beer on my keyboard and monitor, despite having already seen these pictures. Please tell me your reaction


More information can be found at Sams' website and blog. RIP

Santorum Slip n Slide

Last summer I helped my friend make a Santorum Slip n Slide, named after former Senator Rick Santorum.

Here's how it's done:
We found a 1 gal jug of IDGlide. ID Lube has a list of places that sell their products. You will need 1 gallon of lube as it is to be the backbone of the 'slide, it makes all the difference, just like with sex.

The plastic sheeting we got from Lowes. If you can, buy the thickest they have. It may be a few bucks more but will last much longer. We bought the thin stuff and the plastic ripped and tore easily.

Our ingredients also included 2 bottles of dish soap, 2 bottles of Hershey's syrup, warm water in a bucket from the shower and the lube. Towards the end there was milk thrown in as well.
Anyone that goes to a slip n slide wearing anything other than old shitty clothing isn't doing it right.

It really is that much fun

Brilliance

A weekly one hour show featuring half hour pilots that never got picked up.

It would be so frustrating when you find a pilot that grabbed your interest only to be denied any further plot elements and story developments.

If you had to create a TV show pilot. What would it be about, who would be the star and villain?

Mos Deaf

Why are deaf girls so wicked hot? I don't know why it happens, but as soon as the finger wags against their ear and they shake their head for the international sign for "I'm deaf," it's instant love.

I really need to learn how to ask "Are you 18?" in sign language.

MissDeafWorld had potential but only a slim selection of the UN acknowledged countries entered contestants.

Doubleplus good

The Recycling Center is a site that shows you a recycling center near you. I've been waiting for something like this to drop into my lap for 6 months. Recycling in Hawai'i is popular, there's a $.5 return on all aluminum cans and most plastic bottles. The program is called HI 5, which is awesome. It is however quite difficult to find a place that takes recycling. Reynold's has a center and so far we've been taking our stuff to them. Otherwise we have to look for the Transfer Station, which may or may not be the dump. Eitherway, there's never an address and no one seems to be able to give us decent directions.


Sunset seen from space, you can tag it with AMAZING if you want but only on your own flickr page.


I have a great time making up words to use in my private conversations with people I trust. Here's what I have so far:
Ironicality - Possessing irony: What you just said had a note of ironicality.
Dialectual - Relating to dialects: The meaning is the same, the spelling is a dialectual difference only.
Deliciocity - How delicious a meal is: The most being Terminal Deliciocity. When the food is being prepared but has reached its peak and will not get any better no matter what else you do, it has reached terminal deliciocity.

If you had to....
Create a new activity, social pass time or hot new trend. What would it be?
Mine would be Surfery = Surfing & Archery = Surfing while shooting arrows at targets.

Yours?

Ronery

There's this game I play with J & K. It involves a question like "if you had to.... what would it be?" "If you were a .... and this happened what would you do?"

It's either met with serendipitous joy and a creative answer or rolls of the eyes. I shall now extend these options and this opportunity to you.

I recently read the Wikipuss for Nguyen Loan. You may remember him as the fellow in the iconic Vietnam picture executing a Vietcong soldier, pictured here. Read the entry for a higher understanding of the situation. That situation is not what this post is about, what it is about is this: in 1975, he moved to Virginia and opened a pizza shop until he was discovered in 1990. I know this is graphic picture, but it's actually the largest copy of it I could find on the net and I want to encourage higher quality photos.

The question is, If you were an infamous war icon, dictator, criminal etc and you had to move to another country and have another profession,what would it be?

K: Move to North Korea and write poems about how great Kim Jong Ill is.

J: Move to the naked city in the south of France and sell chocolate

What's is your answer?

We all know I quit. What you didn't know was that I was still a nicotine addict. I have been using a patch. It was worth it to me to still be consuming nicotine as long as I wasn't smoking. The problem is that the patches are expensive and they're not the solution, they're a means to an end.
I've been keeping one patch in my wallet as an emergency, better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. I woke up one morning, put on another patch and realized there was only one left in the box. My choices were this:
1. Take the remaining patches then begin my withdrawal.
2. Take the remaining patches, buy more and deal with withdrawal later
3. Finish the patch I just applied and then stop, not using the remainders.

I chose option 3. It was the most difficult option, but sometimes (especially in this case) it feels good to fight something, to take the pain early and on purpose, to have something to grit my teeth against, it's my choice to quit right now, not when the money runs out.
Today is Thursday, which marks the one week it's been since I last put on a patch. Last Sunday we went to the beach, without thinking I went swimming with the patch still on and it washed off. What amuses me is that I still have a square outline on my arms from the adhesive that did not wash off. I noticed it tonight which is what inspired me to write about it.

The patch feels very similar to cigarettes. They're both expensive, smell bad, addicting and difficult to give up. I wonder if they're both manufactured by people that are friends. It's certainly a racket. My box cost ~$55. A carton costs of American Spirits is about $75.

Either way, I'm done with your dirty asses.

Where's George?

I've received two $1 bills recently with markings on it. They had a web address on it: Where'sGeorge.com? You enter in the serial #, denomination, series and zip code then it shows you the path this bill has taken. It looks like bills are entered fairly infrequently, I guess nobody pays much attention to their money.

The 1st bill arrived on June 12th. I know this now thanks to my browser history.

The 2nd bill arrived today, I found it in the till when I came in to work.

I moved from Virginia to Hawai'i in the beginning of this year. Hawai'i and most of the rest of the US have different laws regarding their insurance, so I had to get a new policy number for our new car.

I have a new policy number and I want to get access to it online, but I can't log in with my old logon credentials because it was linked to my last policy number which has been canceled. I called their internet help desk to find out that the user name I had is now forever linked to that policy and there is no way to link it to the new policy number. I think this is dumb. If the user name is solely linked to just one policy number, you can never have more than one policy and you can never change the policy on it, why have a user name? Why not just log in with my policy number?

Also their website is dumb. It can clearly be seen that the tab I'm currently on does not infact have a title. I'm on the blue tab, not a clearly labeled green. I see several gecko's a day here and they're way more skittish than that accented fellow on TV.

a new low

Tonight I overheard one of the regulars talking to a friend who also had come in to the store. He introduced his friend to his grand daughter, whom he was chatting with on an IM client with a webcam. That's right. You can now introduce people over the internet. This is probably old hat to some, but it's new to me.

Until now the geekiest thing I've come across was Instant Messaging someone sitting right next to me. This was useful because we both had headphones in and were in the middle of several different trains of thought, not to mention what we had to say to each other was not dire, it could wait.

Maybe it's that I don't particularly care for the person in question, maybe he's just not geeky enough for me to appreciate this as a normal thing to do. Maybe I shouldn't judge an eavesdropped conversation.

Links

PG trailer for 300




This is the most adorable video you'll see all day.

Memorial Day

For most people Memorial Day signifies the beginning of the summer weather, the lazy afternoons in the hammock and pretty girls showing a lot of skin.

WHAT FOOLS YOU ARE.

You could be living in the perpetual summer of a tropical island, instead you're beaming at the fleeting moment that is your puny summer. Enjoy it while you can.
Sucker.

Sound card review gems

Alisson Tech Level: high Ownership: 1 month to 1 year	Pros: It works. The sound goes out the sound making holes. Cons: It doesn't make toast.
N/A Tech Level: high Ownership: 1 week to 1 month	This is HORRIBLE. You've been warned Pros: It came in a box. The box could be used for some sort of arts and crafts project.

Tobacco state

I had my first, a Camel, when I was 12. I smoked off and on until I was 17 at which point I actually considered myself a smoker. When I was 18 living in Roanoke I was smoking 2 packs every day. I jumped up to Lucky Strikes for 2 weeks until I coughed up blood, then I went back down to Marlboro Reds.
This is what happened next:

Marlboro Reds until I got bronchitis
Marlboro Mediums until I got bronchitis
Marlboro Lights until I got bronchitis
Marlboro Ultra Lights until I got bronchitis
Camel Ultra Lights.

Because my lady smoked them I switched to Winston brand because of their additive free nature. Winstons until I started my job in RVA and remembered what my brother used to smoke. Because I had money to buy them, I started on American Spirits, higher quality tobacco, longer smoke, a better cigarette. When I started really raking it in I switched to the Organic American Spirits which in my opinion has no equal. I loved this cigarette.
I smoked it after every meal, before bed, when I woke up, after brushing my teeth, between tasks at work, when I was bored, after sex, while drinking, after biking up hill, while on the phone, between joints, with friends, once in the shower, a few times in a pool, at clubs, when I was angry, when I was sad, when I was frustrated, when I was happy, when I couldn't breathe, when I was sick. Cigarettes were my delinquent habit. I tried alcohol but was not entirely impressed, I was heavy into several chemicals but they all passed. Cigarettes are my drug of choice.

I've been smoking for 9 years. Tonight marks 1 week without a cigarette.

My thoughts on quitting: It's hard, but not as bad as you think. It's not easy giving up cigarettes. The longer you wait, the harder it will be. You can have every reason in the world to quit, but you can't give it up until you're ready. When you are ready, have the Patch and put it on before the craving sets in. You will cough up x number of years' worth of tar and filth. It's pretty nasty, remember your body does not want this stuff and is trying to heal itself. I love smoking, I miss cigarettes every day, I don't imagine I'll stop wanting them anytime soon if ever. IT'S COMPLETELY WORTH IT.

Lord of all Macadamia

Before I went on the clock today I asked boss to look after the shop while I ran next door and bought some macadamia nuts. His reply: "You don't need to get more nuts, we get enough nuts coming in here!"

And today was no exception. A sixteen or seventeen year old cutie came in and asked if we were hiring for the summer, I'm pretty sure we're not but I told her to come back during the day so that my boss can tell her. Hell, she's cute enough that he might actually hire her for the next 8 days.

Two hours before closing a Syrian (like Yossarian) came in. I wish I could've recorded him. Something about his family faking his death to claim an inheritance and could I help him buy an industrial ice machine and have it shipped to his friend in Damascus whom he hasn't spoken to in 6 years?

I wish people would let me take their pictures when they sign up for a computer. The internet attracts such an interesting group. I'm just glad I'm here to witness

15 things

What does it mean when my Reader shows two posts from different people with the same title? Why a blog meme of course!
....

I really tried. I got two secrets down then got bored and annoyed.
So I decided to make a fake list: Things I have told people. It was not as funny on screen as in my head.

Then I thought of a list of lists, ya know, to outsmart everyone. I got one deep and ran out of steam.

So perhaps I'll just make a list, but wait, after getting to number eight of my random list I didn't feel comfortable with some of the things I was writing. soooo, here's this one lone link to provide some sort of content.

1. Unusual Deaths

Many of the things I'm most proud of and enjoy the most or look forward to, I want to keep to myself. I wonder why I have a blog.

The times they are a changin'

My boss sold the business a couple of days ago. It should've been to me but I didn't get my shit together and I procrastinated, I would've been ready in three or four months.

The new owner, who is a friend of mine, doesn't know a lick about computers which is great for me because of job security. It also means I get to have a little bit more control over the computers in the cafe and the network as well as the repairs. It's pretty exciting. I'm making a list of ideas that I want him to consider, some are free, some are expensive.

PSA

Backup your data today. Right now. No one ever plans their drive failure, it just happens. To everyone. If you have a flaky computer, you move a lot, you only have a laptop that you travel frequently with or your data is irreplaceable you should consider off site storage.


Amazon's Simple Storage Service. $.15/gig
GDrive works for small amounts of data.
If you're really good friends with me, you can ask for an account on my ftp.

2nd only to losing your spouse, losing your data is the worst feeling.

Sonic Sush

I totally make sushi now. How awesome? VERY.

My mom used to take me to eat sushi whenever we were in Roanoke, when I was about middle school age. That's really where I got my love for it. The chef was kind and would always give me a free sample. Perhaps because I was one of very few young white kids that actually enjoyed his food.

During high school Kroger started carrying sushi, so whenever we would go shopping she and I would buy a roll and share it before we went home. Always a ritual that I shared with her.

Around 5 years ago I started trying to make my own. I read a small 20 page how to manual and knew I was a master. The first rolls were thick layers of rice misrolled around fake crab with some soy sauce. What an insult.

I don't get the opportunity share this with her anymore but these days my rolls are much more appealing. The grocery store in Hilo is kind enough to sell Unagi, so now the rolls include it.
Pictures here is one of the finest rolls and arrangements yet. K was gracious enough to make Wakame. At the bottom are the unagi rolls with unagi nigiri. I think that a lower case "e" would've stood out more, but I trust that K knows what he is doing.

The other special roll that I'm proud of is pictured on the left in the same pic. It is an inside out roll, where the ingredients (which I can't recall) are wrapped in nori which are wrapped in rice topped with thinly sliced avacado. It's a fairly difficult roll to get right and tastes just as good as if it were made any other way, but it's much more aesthetically pleasing.

More pictures of the same meal.

Ninja edit: Sonic Sushi was the handle my friend Russell used in 6th grade when we played Trade Wars

Bossisms

Boss: I'll either get better or die
me: I hope you get better
Boss: Like Al Bundy says: "me too but I never get what I want"

Quoting Al Bundy is a bold move in any conversation.

Geekend

I took my lady to a show last Wednesday. A friend of mine was DJing at a bar and it was a good chance to get out after dark. The highlight of my evening was when J was kind dance shimying near me and I suddenly got excited and exlaimed: "Street cleaner!", as there was one driving by.
I was more interested in the bristles it would leave behind (to make lock pics) than I was about the music, DJ or dancing.

my own private Digg

Trent talks about his business.
http://nin.com/tr/

Pictures of weather
http://rolandvb.topcities.com/Weather/weather.html

fake recipe delight

1 cup water, chopped &
1 can chicken broth, drained
broil both in microwave on ultra high for 1.5 seconds add
3 ice cubes, thawed. Mix with
7/32nds grams onions pureed
using single chopstick mix until lumpy
preheat freezer
bake at 3 for 25 days

Cutest EVAR

Why are cats so awesome?
http://news.nationalgeographic.com
/news/2006/06//060613-cat-bear.html

$28 Dollars Later

Tonight I was reminded of having a Zombie Plan. If you haven't made one yet, please do so. Like a fire escape plan, it's better to have one and not need it than to need it and not have it and make it up as you go along.

I am living my Zombie Plan. If a zombie outbreak outbreaks on the Big Island I could probably swim to another island or at least grab myself a boat. Plus there are tons of caves and wilderness within minutes, and SPAM is plentiful and lasts forever.


Also 28 Weeks Later is good but not as good as 28 Days.

Silly Geese

There are tons of cool projects that've gained popularity 'cause of the net. One that I was linked to yesterday involves letter writing. You let this guy know you want one, and he writes you a letter. Pretty neat, but I imagine the quality of content dwindles quickly. I've been considering writing him a letter, and including a bunch of stamps like he asks.

I think if i were to start a project it would be something like:
1. Everyone upload an mspaint image and I put it into a collage
2. EVERYONE jump at the same time. The entire planet.
3. Children ages 4-6 required to learn carwheels and handstands
4. WPFC (World Pillow Fighting Championships)
5. Food fight arena. Like a paint ball field, but with foodenings

These aren't as funny as they could be. The pain in my neck (!omg!lozl!11!) is really bringing me down.

Ok another idea. I will give you a questionnaire to fill out. Leave me a comment on this post and I will return 5 questions for you to answer and post on your blog. Stipulations:

1.You either post your answers to all the questions or none of them. You don't get to pick and choose
2. Once you have posted them on your blog, you must allow other's to ask for the questions.
3. I all encompassingly get to choose any questions I want.
This idea brought to you by BrightYellowWorld

bring the pain

I pulled a muscle in my neck 2 days ago. Usually it's painful for the first day but dwindles thereafter. Not the case this time. The pain has gotten worse daily. I've tried massaging it with my limited reach and ability and I take hot showers before bed to relax the muscles. Nothing has worked.
At this point I can't turn my head to the right or stand straight up because it hurts so much. My guess is that it's from using a laptop so frequently. Doing so causes me to look to down and slouch to read the screen. Ergonomics are lost on this kind computer.

Anyone have tips on how to relax these muscles and get me back to full strength? I have ferocity to accomplish and fury to attend to, not to mention caring to deliver, extravagance to appeal and public opinions to thwart.

HIYOOOOOOOOOO

Bleeding on a rock

My boss lent us his car for a few days and we took another trip to Richardson's Beach yesterday along with most of Hilo. I went snorkeling and of course cut myself again. This time a small cut on my ring toe on my right foot. It's small but it bled a lot.
There's definitely something cool about bleeding on volcanic rock. The mixture of black and red is just so pretty. Now I'm part of the island?

passive resistance

09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0

naming schemes

I have my last name which is constant and has reputation in some crowds. I have my middle name which is legacy. My first name can vary depending on company.
I have my legal name that I use for work, government and banks. It's not my identity though. My legal name did not come from the person, but the city he named after himself and more from the library there and what it allowed. I was given this name to conceal my religion and heritage from the place my family was living at the time. The culture could tell who you were by your name.

My middle name came from a certain plant that grew around an oasis in the same desert I was born in and its ability to adapt to change and to survive.

I think of myself by my nickname which I've always gone by. It wasn't until I was 4 or 5 that I realized it wasn't my actual name. It is often thought of as a girl's name but I've met more guys than girls with it. My nickname comes from where I was born, in a desert. My first hairs on my head were the color of the surrounding sand. I was almost called Dusty.

It still throws me off when I get mail addressed to my legal name.

I can go the rest of my life without hearing any songs from Grease and at least I'm not called Sue.

Wounds

Every time I go to the beach I draw blood. It's because the floor of most of the beaches here have rocks and I'm pretty clumsy even in the water.

This time it came when I was swimming under the missus looking up at her while we were snorkling, I swam into a rock and scraped my arm. I'm starting a new label of events here based on these wounds.

It bled pretty well in the ocean but the salt water helped clean it out and now it's just sore. The bleeding caught the attention of a few beach goers and it's always nice when strangers take concern in my well being.

is that how they talk on the mainland?

Having just returned from my trip back to the mainland yesterday, I'm still exhausted.
Here's a list of things I didn't like:
1. Driving
2. Other people driving
3. Other people not having/using turn signals while driving
4. Everyone in a rush
5. Being told that I don't listen to advice and I try to do too much when what I really need is help.
6. Not sleeping enough
7. Sleeping in a room with other people
8. Driving through DC with unexpected construction and having the detour put me going in the wrong direction
9. Missing Paul's wedding for the above
10. Missing my grandmother and aunt's birthday parties because of the above
11. Getting lost in rva
12. Adjacent passengers on airlines with a rat tail who growls intermittently and gives me the weird eye for eating vegan.
13. Funerals
14. listening to / hearing about Cho

Things I do like:
Seeing Sid & Gus, Joday & Chris, Marilyn
Eating Arabic food
Coming home to the Mz.

Glad to be back on the island.

Amplification of my earlier post.

What a mess.

It's easy to be stoic about a situation like this when you don't have a personal connection to it. I grew up in Blacksburg, most of my friends still live and work there including an EMT who shuttled the wounded, and a bus driver who's buses were earmarked to carry them to the hospital.

Several other friends and their parents work at VT. An old friend used to liv in Ambler Johnston.

I know people by 2nd and 3rd degrees of separation that were shot (and survived) and had direct contact with the shooter.

The solution isn't as simple as more or less guns in everyone's hands. A law isn't going to stop this. We live in a strange world that teaches us that this behavior can lead to some sort of resolution.

There's corruption and demeaning behavior everywhere. No single source can take responsibility. Music, video games, the government, business, popular culture isn't geared towards making a harmonious society. Almost every aspect of my life is exposed to cut throat greed and I'm not blaming any one of those.

This event is not a surprise to me. It hurts, it's confusing and I don't understand it, but it's no shock that it happened. The difference for me is that I'm connected to the location and people.

Bleak

Another tragedy in Viginia added to the list

I've tried calling several people I know and the phone lines are just over loaded and it seems to be hit or miss as to whether I can get through.

Everyone I know seems to be OK, just confused and sad. I'm not sure how I feel about it, it's a lot less personal than some of the other tragedies that've happened in Blacksburg but it's still my home town. But it really comes down to the absolute end of innocence.

Looks like we got out at the right time.

Merrie Monarch Festival

The parade was today which I believe mark's the end of the Merrie Monarch festival. The parades in Blacksburg were mostly about throwing candy at people. Here there was only one candy thrower and a ton of horses and smiling people. The weather was great as usual and the parade paraded right down our street in front of the shop. My boss set out 4 folding chairs for us. It was a good time.

There were lots and lots of horses and many of them had extravagant lei's. Each rider, especially the women, looked like royalty right out of Lord of the Rings.

Pictures can be found here:
http://picasaweb.google.com/bazuzi/MerrieMonarch

Stole your honey

My bike got stolen last night. Stupid me for not locking it, it was only a matter of time. I got to file a police report for the first time though. The officer was really nice but didn't offer much hope.

This is the only picture I have of it, it's the one K is not riding.

Some no talent ass clown now has a nice Diamond Back Response with 24 gears.

The WOW never started

After a week without internets this is my first post.

I installed Vista ultimate last night. I have an Averatec laptop with a 1.8 Turion which is a 64 cpu. My brother sent me 2 install discs, a 32 and a 64 bit. My plan was to put 64 bit on the laptop and 32 bit on the desktop when it arrives.

The 64 bit didn't install correctly. It crashed twice during the install and upon examination of the disc I saw several scuffs and a dime sized section that is severely scratched. I switched to the 32 bit disc and was on my way.

And by on my way I mean it didn't have device drivers for my wifi card, video card and another "PCI Simple Communications Controller." I don't know what that is and neither does windows update. The Averatec website says that the Vista video driver for this model would be available in March which was last month. It's still not out. Averatec doesn't allow much communication without the serial number and the sticker on the bottom has rubbed out and is completely white. When I called they said I'd either need the s/n or the original reciept that shows when I bought it to tell whether it's still under warranty. They will be getting a letter as soon as I can find a way to write to them that doesn't require entering my serial number

Now's a good chance to encourage any readers I have to backup all their serial numbers, window/game CD keys and any other annoying and rarely used but incredibly important information in a Google Docs file. You don't have to remember to back it up, it's always available and linked with your gmail account.

Back to the wonders of Vista:
It looses my wifi card every once in a while. I've had it installed for about 24 hours now and it's lost it 4 times so far the fix is to restart.

The Microsoft USB mouse I use gets lost as well after about 20 minutes of use. Plugging it in to a different USB port does nothing. The fix is to restart.

Videos don't play properly. The video is choppy and lags behind the sound. When I play it in VLC it still is a little bit choppy but at least in sync. The fix. I don't have one yet.

I've been playing Diablo II for the last 2 weeks becaus it's the only game that'll run on my laptop. Well after Vista, it doesn't play because it can't run Direct3d or DirectDraw. Vista was supposed to be great for games. The fix is to run the game in Windowed mode.

The scroll bar on touch pad has been extended to about 3/5ths of the entire touchpad. It means that while I'm navigating the computer I end up scrolling up and down incredibly fast highlighting and deleting anything that I was working on. The fix? Reinstall XP.


I really wanted to end this post with "Reinstall XP" but i couldnt' figure out where to put this bit. The security features in Vista are pretty annoying. When I download an .exe from the web, I open it from Firefox's browser.
1st Firefox asks me if I want to run an .exe
2nd Windows asks me if I want to run an .exe
3rd Vista asks me if i want to run and .exe

When my desktop arrives it may be time to give the old open source community another chance at my laptop.

Bachelor HDDs

This drive is a single *wink*

Is it looking for a slave or a master?

Let's let the cable select.

Adventures in Groceries.

The past few times I've been to the Shave the Sack something noteworthy has happened.

The time before last I was in queue behind an older man that smelled something fierce. His skin was dark from tan and a whole lot of dirt. He smelled like disease, like an old unwashed dog. The smell had about a 10' radius. Because I was sweating, everyone looked at me (or so I think) like I was the odoriferous one.

The most recent trip has been the most amusing. In line behind a European couple, a man and lady whose nipples stood out like ice picks; two other girls, one of whom was Australian. None of these four people had a Maika'i card (a discount card for groceries) when the cashier asked if they had one. I offered mine and she used it for each person's purchase. They each said thanks with a chuckle. When it came time for the Australian lady to pay her total was $12.01 but she couldn't find the necessary penny. I fished one out of my pocket and gave it to the cashier with a giggle from the lady. Then the Australian said "Thanks, you should come home with me."

!?

Case of the Mondays

Today I opened the shop by myself. I usually enjoy this, because there's rarely more than one or two customers in by noon. That means two hours to clean up the lan while my boss isn't looking over my shoulder, I can often throw away small parts that aren't useful to anyone and it's nice having a little bit of alone time.

Today there was a person waiting to get in as soon as I got there. More and more people kept coming in. By the time my boss rolled in at two, the place was packed. What annoyed me though were the people that came in with a project to do but don't know how or don't want to do it themselves. For example one guy wanted a CD copied and another with just select songs. Easy enough right? But of course he doesn't know how to do it. So he needs me to help him.

The old lady that came in wanting to buy DVDs of Laugh In and Fractured Fair Tales. She wanted them, which meant she wanted me to look them up on Amazon. Amazon requires an email address to purchase content. She didn't have one and I refused to use my account, this confounded her. oh and could she bring in her beta tapes for me to convert them to VHS and DVD? Her visit ended with her telling me about the pfenning being made of steel with a thin copper coating.

The two Hawaiian ladies who brought in their DVI cam wanted to capture video and export it to DVD for their family to watch. Nobody has a clue how to do this "I'll let my tech work on it" I heard my boss say. Yippee. At least they brought some of the software. Horrible fluffware that didn't actually do what I wanted it to. They asked me to record all the video but in the end only wanted 2 minutes which they wanted put on their SVCD which whey thought was a DVD.

The low point of the day was when I lent a lady my usb drive, the keyring also had the store key on it. I got a "nice job shit-for-brains" from my boss.
The highlight was seeing someone play solitaire. He paid >$2.50 to do so. A pack of cards can be bought for about the same price and you can play it more than once, when there's no electricity, involve your friends, and not stare at a computer screen.

I don't have Jessie here so my blog gets to hear about my day.