June 22, 2007

We all know I quit. What you didn't know was that I was still a nicotine addict. I have been using a patch. It was worth it to me to still be consuming nicotine as long as I wasn't smoking. The problem is that the patches are expensive and they're not the solution, they're a means to an end.
I've been keeping one patch in my wallet as an emergency, better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. I woke up one morning, put on another patch and realized there was only one left in the box. My choices were this:
1. Take the remaining patches then begin my withdrawal.
2. Take the remaining patches, buy more and deal with withdrawal later
3. Finish the patch I just applied and then stop, not using the remainders.

I chose option 3. It was the most difficult option, but sometimes (especially in this case) it feels good to fight something, to take the pain early and on purpose, to have something to grit my teeth against, it's my choice to quit right now, not when the money runs out.
Today is Thursday, which marks the one week it's been since I last put on a patch. Last Sunday we went to the beach, without thinking I went swimming with the patch still on and it washed off. What amuses me is that I still have a square outline on my arms from the adhesive that did not wash off. I noticed it tonight which is what inspired me to write about it.

The patch feels very similar to cigarettes. They're both expensive, smell bad, addicting and difficult to give up. I wonder if they're both manufactured by people that are friends. It's certainly a racket. My box cost ~$55. A carton costs of American Spirits is about $75.

Either way, I'm done with your dirty asses.
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