NDCHGaRC

I don't want to offend anyone, I still want to celebrate a holiday. I've never organized a Secret Santa before, this is what I created and sent out to play Russian Roulette with my good standing at work.

We would like to invite you to participate in a non denominational clandestine holiday gifting and receiving ceremony modeled after a Secret Santa event.

If you would like to participate, please let me know by Friday, November 19th. Friday afternoon we will place the names of everyone who is participating into a fancy hat and each person will select the name of the person who they will buy for.

Please keep all gifts under $10. Gifts can be chosen with the theme of Technology in mind.

By the sword we seek peace

1. The first time they took some quarters and two granola bars and I didn't get angry because they were clearly hungry and didn't break anything.
2. The second time they set the alarm off and I was a little annoyed to have to wake up in the middle of the night.
3. This is the third time someone has broken into the car. Sunday morning brought this little gem and Springfield's ugly war boot crushed our Hawaiian petal.

They took my car's manual, a hair brush and a neck tie, then dumped them 50' away under a street lamp. You can see the rock in the first picture, it took down my rear-view mirror and the windshield-wiper lever. The wipers are now stuck on high.

The cops didn't even get out of their car when filing the report and were more interested in talking to me about Hawai'i than the incident. I had been giving New England the benefit of the doubt. No more.

Now you get nothing.

Neck Ties.

On one extreme they're useless, on the other they try and murder me.

Don't try and bend over to look at something because it'll be there blocking your view saying NO WAY, ME FIRST.

Need to lean forward to pull in your chair to eat? GUESS WHAT, I'M IN YOUR PIZZA

Want to protect IP at work and shred some paper? WATCH OUT, BRO, IMMA MERC YOU.