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Conversations with Massachusetts Assholes

Question:

When is it OK to swerve into oncoming traffic?

Answer:




1. When the car in front of me is going slower than I want to go.
2. Fuck you, go Socks. HUEHUEHUEHUE
3. 

Everyone's an expert

Around 11:30 last night I let the dog out to pee before bed.  HB bolted out the door and off the porch, I heard snarling and I yelled for him to come back and he did. The damage was already done. He took a skunk shot in the mouth. He lay on the floor, spitting up a frothy mix of saliva and skunk, there was a bit of fur in there too.

The poor guy just didn't understand.  We ended up in the yard until 1am, alternating rubbing his face with spaghetti sauce and shampoo.  It was an enhanced interrogation as we held him down and sprayed a hose in his face to rinse off the skunk oil. We waterboarded our sweet, naive, stinky dog as he sat shivering, wet and cold in the yard in the middle of the night.

Today my hand smells a enough like a skunk that everyone asks about it. I tell them and everyone has a story.